Post by D Backs GM (Tyler) on Apr 1, 2014 7:38:34 GMT -5
Hey, people are still allowed to do write ups right? At least someone will deliver on saying "I will write this up". (cheap shots)
Anyway, first a PSA: If you are getting Wrestlemania or usually do via PPV and haven't been paying attention for a while... Get the WWE Network. It is $10 a month and the first 6 are up front. So it costs the same as ordering on PPV, except you get every PPV for free as well as an IMMENSE back catalog of the good old days. I have had it for about a month now, and it is fucking insane. Definitely worth it. Anyway, onward...
We get 2 hours of build up starting on the WWE Network exclusively (this is basically a stress test for the servers, don't bother tuning in until about 30 mins before, for the first actual match). This also seems like the best spot to mention that HULK HOGAN is hosting this year. So he isn't in a match, but he will probably come out, work the crowd, and maybe make some ruling on some technicality result. More on that later.
WWE Tag Title match: The Usos vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel vs. Real Americans (Jack Swagger & Cesaro) vs. Los Matadores in a four corners tag team match.
Prediction: The Usos retain. Not because they are particularly awesome, but because outside of the Real Americans these other teams are uninspiring.
Bonus Prediction: Cesaro and Swagger beef mid match, costing them the belts and sending them into a feud. And so begins the rise of Cesaro. Next year I have to think he will feature prominently in a single match as he is a joy to watch wrestle and pretty damn good on the mic.
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt.
This one is tough to call. Bray Wyatt is awesome. I mean really awesome. I do think it would be wise to put him over Cena here, but WWE is not known to use Cena that way, and who knows how long they are going to keep Cena out of the title picture (which needs to happen, since he has been in it for about 8 straight years now).
Prediction: 50-50 call here, but I'll go with Bray Wyatt via shenanigans.
Bonus Prediction: This program isn't over, I'm betting on a special match at Extreme Rules (next month's PPV) like a street fight or something.
Divas Title match: A.J. Lee defending against Tamina Snuka, Naomi, Cameron, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Natalya, Eva Marie, Emma, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae, Rosa Mendes, and Layla
This will be a one-fall match, and thank Christ for that. This division is brutal.
Prediction: under 7 minutes and one of the Bellas winning.
Bonus prediction: They will finally feud with each other afterwards. And PS, if you want your lady to get into wrestling, watch total divas with them. Its a trashy reality show, but it highlights the girls doing girl reality things while getting to know the male wrestlers. They will become invested, you will hear less complaining.
Kane & New Age Outlaws vs. The Shield (U.S. champion Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) in a six-man tag match.
This is sad for the shield. It seems like WWE isn't sure what to do with their hottest act. These are three extremely good performers with little to do. They were about to pull the trigger on a break up, and I guess took a 180 and instead made them good guys. Maybe they are still doomed to break up sooner rather than later and the face turn is just setting up for them to be aligned with good and evil properly.
Prediction: Shield win. They are too awesome to lose.
Bonus Prediction: This is the match of the night. The crowd will be hotter for the main events, but as far as cool flippy stuff and awesome moves go, this will take the cake.
Double Bonus Prediction!: The Shield split up at the end. I think all 5 of them beat up Reigns afterwards. The Authority (HHH and Steph) made the other two a sweet offer to turn and they turn into hired corporate guns. Reigns has a nice little baby face run as they build him up to a possible main event status.
Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H.* The winner of this match gets inserted into the Main event for The Title
This is why the internet is going to explode. Or at least twitter. HHH has been trolling internet fans for a good 7 months now with his "burying" Daniel Bryan by not giving him title chances and claiming he is not quite good enough to be a main eventer. The internet complains HARDCORE about HHH in this regard. Lately he has shown that he is in on the joke, which is kind of awesome. But the big fear is that Vince and Trips really don't believe in Bryan being a top top guy and will keep "burying" him. This is actually an intriguing storyline.
Prediction: Shenanigans. Probably by Orton/HHH/Bautista.
Bonus Prediction: I genuinely don't know how this is going to go down, but I do feel like both of these guys will be pulling double duty and going to the main event. It's hard to think that Bryan WON'T make it there (and hence have 3 bad guys in the main event), but its also hard to think of a way that HHH will just magically go away halfway through the biggest show of the year. Trust me, somehow we will get to a fatal 4 way. I'll say HHH wins with some kind of interference/cheating and then Hogan comes out and sets things right.
Andre the Giant Memorial 30-man battle royal
Weird thing here. Not a royal rumble (when they come out one at a time every minute) but a battle royal (everyone in the ring at once to start). We'll go through this person by person. Feel free to skip it though, because none of it is that compelling.
(1) IC champion Big E. - Not a particularly strong champion booking wise. Has huge man boobs. Is awesome when booked properly. Lets hope that starts after this match.
(2) Dolph Ziggler - Crowd loves him. WWE has nothing for him to do. He is great in the right. I'll say he is in the final 4. Predictions at the bottom.
(3) Big Show - Andre the Giant memorial. Modern Giant. You do the math. Final 4.
(4) Alberto Del Rio - So meh. There are a lot of guys with decent enough ability and no direction with their character. ADR is one of them. Also his contract is almost up and rumor has it he doesn't care to return. Jobber time.
(5) Mark Henry - THATS WHAT HE DO! But really, I wish he were a main event heel. He is so fucking good at being a monster bad guy that people cheer him. Tough situation. He is just that good at being bad.
(6) Christian - Meh. Has a concussion. Not his first one. Might not wrestle in this. And even so, prob done soon for health reasons.
(7) Cody Rhodes - So sad that he and Golddust have to do this and Los Matadoros are in the tag title match. Kill me now.
(8) Sheamus - Fella.
(9) Fandango - Dancer with a hot sidekick. Good wrestler, stupid gimmick.
(10) Damien Sandow - Sigh, I miss him on the mic. He gets no TV time anymore.
(11) The Miz - Really?
(12) Goldust - See Cody Rhodes. I feel bad because he is both a bit of nostalgia and a bit of awesome.
(13) Titus O'Neil - One for the future, but definitely not now.
(14) Kofi Kingston - Insert super athletic move here, same as royal rumbles.
(15) Heath Slater - Kill
(16) Jinder Mahal - Me
(17) Drew McIntyre - Now
(18) Brodus Clay - SOMEBODY CALL MY MAMA! Just kidding, he isn't the Funkasaurus anymore (yes, he used to be a funky dinosaur)
(19) Darren Young - No character.
(20) Justin Gabriel - High flyer, is awesome, coming off injury. Nice to see him back in the ring.
(21) Rey Mysterio - Old and often injured. Prob final 4, but just retire. I've never been a fan. He is small to the point of everything being really unrealistic. Like... a lot more than usual.
(22) R-Truth - What's up? (nothing)
(23) Santino Marella - Ugh
(24) The Great Khali - Please retire. You cannot walk. Please. It hurts to watch you.
(25) Zack Ryder - WOO WOO WOO! Fan favorite. Lets hope that he gets a new character direction soon. He is young, and probably has a bright future.
(26) Sin Cara - Eh. Worth noting that they changed the human under the mask and no one cared or noticed.
(27) Brad Maddox - God, but hasn't wrestled in a long time. Is a GM character but is a young wrestler. Is FANTASTIC on the mic.
(28-30) Surprise entrants - Probably old guys. With any luck anyway. Otherwise they will be NXT guys. I'd kill a small child for Jericho to show up. Or Shane-o-Mac.
Prediction: Um, Big show? I guess.
Bonus Prediction: This may be a lifetime achievement sort of thing. Look for Ziggler, Show, Sheamus and ..... Mark Henry? in the final four. I don't know. This has potential to he a mess.
The Streak match: The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar.
There really hasn't been a reason to think that Undertaker will lose. This feud should have been centered around a grudge match from their previous Hell In A Cell encounter. But that literally hasn't been brought up one time.
Prediction: Taker. 22-0. Duh.
Bonus Prediction: This won't be as good as taker matches of the past few years because Brock can't carry someone like Punk/HHH/HBK can. Next year Sting apparently is going to fight taker, maybe with a year long build as he is apparently signed already and will be in the house for both Wrestlemania and raw afterwards.
WWE World Title match: Randy Orton vs. Batista. The winner of Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H (or as I predicted earlier, both)
Well this is it. For those not involved lets back up a bit. We went over HHH and Bryan earlier, but Orton and Bautista deserve their own explanation. Orton has been the hand picked "Face of the WWE" by HHH and Steph. But he is a cowardly corporate kiss ass heel (and plays it well) who shows flashes of brutality in the ring. He is the current champion. Also, for those who haven't been around for a long time, he unified the WWE and World Heavyweight Championship belts. Even though he still carries them both around. He is now known as the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.
As for Bautista, where to start. He was supposed to be the big Royal Rumble surprise, but it got leaked by a venue and they had to advertise him in advance since the cat got out of the bag. Since his return was poorly done, people kind of turned on him. He is old, and promoting a movie (even though he is apparently sticking around for a while). It is also believed that his return and booking into the main event at wrestlemania directly contributed to CM Punk leaving the company. That is not part of the storyline. After Royal Rumble, when Punk found out what his match and story was to be for mania (once again being passed over to make room for a returning star/part timer to main event wrestlemania). Which is sort of a legitimate complaint. Sort of. Anyway, back to Bautista. He is old, and out of breath a lot, but is also jacked and a monster. He is a bad good guy but a good bad guy, if only they let him be a bad guy. He is stuck in the middle now which leads to chants like "You can't wrestle" and "boring". Not ideal. Which is why the HHH/Bryan winner(s) needed to be injected into this match.
Prediction: Honestly, I don't know. There are 100 different ways this could go. Almost every time at wrestlemanias they send the crowd home happy so I'll say Daniel Bryan wins and finally has his moment.
Bonus Prediction: I had enough trouble coming up with the first one, but here goes... The Shield will get involved if they don't break up earlier in the show. They have been involved in the corporate storyline and are recently turned against the three bad guys (Orton, Bautista, HHH) and that would be a pretty amazing match to have as a 6 man tag. A guy can dream for Raw can't he?
Side note, the next night on raw, all the people who traveled from far away will go and they always make that almost a better show than any other all year. There will be big things carrying over to the next night, so expect at least a slight bit of mystery outside of Bryan closing the show with everyone yelling Yes Yes Yes!
Anyway, first a PSA: If you are getting Wrestlemania or usually do via PPV and haven't been paying attention for a while... Get the WWE Network. It is $10 a month and the first 6 are up front. So it costs the same as ordering on PPV, except you get every PPV for free as well as an IMMENSE back catalog of the good old days. I have had it for about a month now, and it is fucking insane. Definitely worth it. Anyway, onward...
PRE-SHOW
We get 2 hours of build up starting on the WWE Network exclusively (this is basically a stress test for the servers, don't bother tuning in until about 30 mins before, for the first actual match). This also seems like the best spot to mention that HULK HOGAN is hosting this year. So he isn't in a match, but he will probably come out, work the crowd, and maybe make some ruling on some technicality result. More on that later.
WWE Tag Title match: The Usos vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel vs. Real Americans (Jack Swagger & Cesaro) vs. Los Matadores in a four corners tag team match.
Prediction: The Usos retain. Not because they are particularly awesome, but because outside of the Real Americans these other teams are uninspiring.
Bonus Prediction: Cesaro and Swagger beef mid match, costing them the belts and sending them into a feud. And so begins the rise of Cesaro. Next year I have to think he will feature prominently in a single match as he is a joy to watch wrestle and pretty damn good on the mic.
WRESTLEMANIA
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt.
This one is tough to call. Bray Wyatt is awesome. I mean really awesome. I do think it would be wise to put him over Cena here, but WWE is not known to use Cena that way, and who knows how long they are going to keep Cena out of the title picture (which needs to happen, since he has been in it for about 8 straight years now).
Prediction: 50-50 call here, but I'll go with Bray Wyatt via shenanigans.
Bonus Prediction: This program isn't over, I'm betting on a special match at Extreme Rules (next month's PPV) like a street fight or something.
Divas Title match: A.J. Lee defending against Tamina Snuka, Naomi, Cameron, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Natalya, Eva Marie, Emma, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae, Rosa Mendes, and Layla
This will be a one-fall match, and thank Christ for that. This division is brutal.
Prediction: under 7 minutes and one of the Bellas winning.
Bonus prediction: They will finally feud with each other afterwards. And PS, if you want your lady to get into wrestling, watch total divas with them. Its a trashy reality show, but it highlights the girls doing girl reality things while getting to know the male wrestlers. They will become invested, you will hear less complaining.
Kane & New Age Outlaws vs. The Shield (U.S. champion Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) in a six-man tag match.
This is sad for the shield. It seems like WWE isn't sure what to do with their hottest act. These are three extremely good performers with little to do. They were about to pull the trigger on a break up, and I guess took a 180 and instead made them good guys. Maybe they are still doomed to break up sooner rather than later and the face turn is just setting up for them to be aligned with good and evil properly.
Prediction: Shield win. They are too awesome to lose.
Bonus Prediction: This is the match of the night. The crowd will be hotter for the main events, but as far as cool flippy stuff and awesome moves go, this will take the cake.
Double Bonus Prediction!: The Shield split up at the end. I think all 5 of them beat up Reigns afterwards. The Authority (HHH and Steph) made the other two a sweet offer to turn and they turn into hired corporate guns. Reigns has a nice little baby face run as they build him up to a possible main event status.
Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H.* The winner of this match gets inserted into the Main event for The Title
This is why the internet is going to explode. Or at least twitter. HHH has been trolling internet fans for a good 7 months now with his "burying" Daniel Bryan by not giving him title chances and claiming he is not quite good enough to be a main eventer. The internet complains HARDCORE about HHH in this regard. Lately he has shown that he is in on the joke, which is kind of awesome. But the big fear is that Vince and Trips really don't believe in Bryan being a top top guy and will keep "burying" him. This is actually an intriguing storyline.
Prediction: Shenanigans. Probably by Orton/HHH/Bautista.
Bonus Prediction: I genuinely don't know how this is going to go down, but I do feel like both of these guys will be pulling double duty and going to the main event. It's hard to think that Bryan WON'T make it there (and hence have 3 bad guys in the main event), but its also hard to think of a way that HHH will just magically go away halfway through the biggest show of the year. Trust me, somehow we will get to a fatal 4 way. I'll say HHH wins with some kind of interference/cheating and then Hogan comes out and sets things right.
Andre the Giant Memorial 30-man battle royal
Weird thing here. Not a royal rumble (when they come out one at a time every minute) but a battle royal (everyone in the ring at once to start). We'll go through this person by person. Feel free to skip it though, because none of it is that compelling.
(1) IC champion Big E. - Not a particularly strong champion booking wise. Has huge man boobs. Is awesome when booked properly. Lets hope that starts after this match.
(2) Dolph Ziggler - Crowd loves him. WWE has nothing for him to do. He is great in the right. I'll say he is in the final 4. Predictions at the bottom.
(3) Big Show - Andre the Giant memorial. Modern Giant. You do the math. Final 4.
(4) Alberto Del Rio - So meh. There are a lot of guys with decent enough ability and no direction with their character. ADR is one of them. Also his contract is almost up and rumor has it he doesn't care to return. Jobber time.
(5) Mark Henry - THATS WHAT HE DO! But really, I wish he were a main event heel. He is so fucking good at being a monster bad guy that people cheer him. Tough situation. He is just that good at being bad.
(6) Christian - Meh. Has a concussion. Not his first one. Might not wrestle in this. And even so, prob done soon for health reasons.
(7) Cody Rhodes - So sad that he and Golddust have to do this and Los Matadoros are in the tag title match. Kill me now.
(8) Sheamus - Fella.
(9) Fandango - Dancer with a hot sidekick. Good wrestler, stupid gimmick.
(10) Damien Sandow - Sigh, I miss him on the mic. He gets no TV time anymore.
(11) The Miz - Really?
(12) Goldust - See Cody Rhodes. I feel bad because he is both a bit of nostalgia and a bit of awesome.
(13) Titus O'Neil - One for the future, but definitely not now.
(14) Kofi Kingston - Insert super athletic move here, same as royal rumbles.
(15) Heath Slater - Kill
(16) Jinder Mahal - Me
(17) Drew McIntyre - Now
(18) Brodus Clay - SOMEBODY CALL MY MAMA! Just kidding, he isn't the Funkasaurus anymore (yes, he used to be a funky dinosaur)
(19) Darren Young - No character.
(20) Justin Gabriel - High flyer, is awesome, coming off injury. Nice to see him back in the ring.
(21) Rey Mysterio - Old and often injured. Prob final 4, but just retire. I've never been a fan. He is small to the point of everything being really unrealistic. Like... a lot more than usual.
(22) R-Truth - What's up? (nothing)
(23) Santino Marella - Ugh
(24) The Great Khali - Please retire. You cannot walk. Please. It hurts to watch you.
(25) Zack Ryder - WOO WOO WOO! Fan favorite. Lets hope that he gets a new character direction soon. He is young, and probably has a bright future.
(26) Sin Cara - Eh. Worth noting that they changed the human under the mask and no one cared or noticed.
(27) Brad Maddox - God, but hasn't wrestled in a long time. Is a GM character but is a young wrestler. Is FANTASTIC on the mic.
(28-30) Surprise entrants - Probably old guys. With any luck anyway. Otherwise they will be NXT guys. I'd kill a small child for Jericho to show up. Or Shane-o-Mac.
Prediction: Um, Big show? I guess.
Bonus Prediction: This may be a lifetime achievement sort of thing. Look for Ziggler, Show, Sheamus and ..... Mark Henry? in the final four. I don't know. This has potential to he a mess.
The Streak match: The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar.
There really hasn't been a reason to think that Undertaker will lose. This feud should have been centered around a grudge match from their previous Hell In A Cell encounter. But that literally hasn't been brought up one time.
Prediction: Taker. 22-0. Duh.
Bonus Prediction: This won't be as good as taker matches of the past few years because Brock can't carry someone like Punk/HHH/HBK can. Next year Sting apparently is going to fight taker, maybe with a year long build as he is apparently signed already and will be in the house for both Wrestlemania and raw afterwards.
WWE World Title match: Randy Orton vs. Batista. The winner of Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H (or as I predicted earlier, both)
Well this is it. For those not involved lets back up a bit. We went over HHH and Bryan earlier, but Orton and Bautista deserve their own explanation. Orton has been the hand picked "Face of the WWE" by HHH and Steph. But he is a cowardly corporate kiss ass heel (and plays it well) who shows flashes of brutality in the ring. He is the current champion. Also, for those who haven't been around for a long time, he unified the WWE and World Heavyweight Championship belts. Even though he still carries them both around. He is now known as the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.
As for Bautista, where to start. He was supposed to be the big Royal Rumble surprise, but it got leaked by a venue and they had to advertise him in advance since the cat got out of the bag. Since his return was poorly done, people kind of turned on him. He is old, and promoting a movie (even though he is apparently sticking around for a while). It is also believed that his return and booking into the main event at wrestlemania directly contributed to CM Punk leaving the company. That is not part of the storyline. After Royal Rumble, when Punk found out what his match and story was to be for mania (once again being passed over to make room for a returning star/part timer to main event wrestlemania). Which is sort of a legitimate complaint. Sort of. Anyway, back to Bautista. He is old, and out of breath a lot, but is also jacked and a monster. He is a bad good guy but a good bad guy, if only they let him be a bad guy. He is stuck in the middle now which leads to chants like "You can't wrestle" and "boring". Not ideal. Which is why the HHH/Bryan winner(s) needed to be injected into this match.
Prediction: Honestly, I don't know. There are 100 different ways this could go. Almost every time at wrestlemanias they send the crowd home happy so I'll say Daniel Bryan wins and finally has his moment.
Bonus Prediction: I had enough trouble coming up with the first one, but here goes... The Shield will get involved if they don't break up earlier in the show. They have been involved in the corporate storyline and are recently turned against the three bad guys (Orton, Bautista, HHH) and that would be a pretty amazing match to have as a 6 man tag. A guy can dream for Raw can't he?
Side note, the next night on raw, all the people who traveled from far away will go and they always make that almost a better show than any other all year. There will be big things carrying over to the next night, so expect at least a slight bit of mystery outside of Bryan closing the show with everyone yelling Yes Yes Yes!
